To Love And To Cherish

Sunday January 18, 2009

Sources: The Star

To love and to cherish

SUNDAY WITH T.SELVA

The secret recipe for a happy and harmonious partnership is effective and frequent two-way communication.

LEARNING to adjust and compromise is an art of happy living because almost every moment we are faced with situations that require a give and take approach.

It is not a question of whether we like it or not but such conditions are bound to occur due to the complex and fast lifestyle most of us are involved with daily.

Fighting or challenging such situations will not take us anywhere other than to sour our relationships at home or work and resulting in developing hatred, anger, stress and tension.
Some people have a wrong notion that adjusting and compromising is a sign of weakness but it is actually not.

Instead it reflects on the individual’s wisdom, maturity and understanding of being able to see what others can’t.

Such act is in fact viewed as noble and dignified.

I write this week’s column following news from two couples from Penang who have stopped talking with their spouses owing to some differences and they are now planning to go separate ways.

This is a worrying trend because last year about 20% of registered marriages in the country ended in divorce.

No two individuals are the same and it is not unnatural to find two persons having different interests, likings, hobbies, past-times, routines and knowledge.

Owing to this, sometimes such differences may interfere with their relationship and some hiccups are bound to happen but making up quickly and emerging stronger with improved ties is vital here.

The secret recipe for a happy and harmonious partnership is exercising words like compromise and adjust, and adulation and sweetness of speech.

Removing ego and showing respect for each other is another crucial aspect to the success of a relationship.

Every relationship has to pass through good and bad times but what is important is standing by each other through tough times because such test is to strengthen the vow the couple have made to be together.

Effective and frequent two-way communication verbal or written have been found since ancient time to be the key to the success of this bonding because it helps in understanding the dynamics of each other and prevents conflicts and misunderstandings.

A good relationship depends on a combination of many things but top among them all is treating your spouse as your best friend and not taking him or her for granted just because both have made a lifelong commitment.

In a close buddy relationship, the love and affection continues to ignite and grow daily whenever they come in contact, thus leading to a healthy connection.

For instance, when a couple have something they don’t like about their partner, they should communicate it rather than just keeping it in their heart.

Of course, they should do so in a respectful way so as not to offend their partner.

People are often known to share funny stories with their life partner prior to their marriage but after the wedding, the hilarity disappears and this is not good.

Such openness and funny side of communication should apply forever because laughter is the invisible glue in a relationship.

Simple gestures of showing appreciation, having at least one meal together daily, having weekly or monthly time-out, remembering and celebrating events like birthdays, anniversaries and special events bring constant spark to a relationship.

One long-term activity that should be exercised by any couple is allocating quality time regularly for each other.

Investing time in a relationship is imperative as this exercise allows each other to discover themselves deeper for a compatible and loving association.

Trust is another ingredient because it allows both parties to feel secure and believe there is a future for their relationship.

Just like it takes two hands to clap, a good relationship involves both sides.

While one side can take initiative, it still requires the other side to make the relationship work and only by working together can this union reach its full potential.

I truly believe nobody is perfect but everyone can grow to improve and give their best but both sides must be willing to change.

Instead of blaming their partner when something goes wrong, they should look inside themselves to see if there is something they can change.

When both sides have this attitude, the relationship grows stronger and stronger.

Basically, building and maintaining a healthy marriage takes time and a lot of effort and it is a life long process.

With the day-to-day pressures of work, taking care of the children and household tasks, it can be easy to neglect to nurture our relationship and to take our mate for granted.

It is necessary to remind ourselves constantly about the importance of fostering a healthy and loving relationship which is the foundation to build a successful marriage every day.

Relationships cannot be built in a just day or two; it is a lifelong journey when two people decide to make a divine bond to be together.

■ T. Selva, The Star’s Sunday Metro editor, says that a good relationship blossoms when two people decide to share instead of trying to change each other.

Tips to build a happy relationship :

● Be willing to change.
● Be honest to your spouse.
● Avoid competition between the two of you.
● Both must complement each other.
● Avoid being possessive and selfish.
● Be kind, gentle, patient and loving.
● Keep romance alive in your marriage.
● Say sorry if you have made a mistake.
● Be supportive in whatever he or she does.
● Have integrity and this will gain honour.
● Be a good listener, pay attention and be open.
● Give surprises as it adds tonic to the romance.
● Cracking jokes helps to build cheerful relationship.
● Never bring past problems and unpleasant incidents.
● Develop compassion for your partner and yourself.
● Know the likes and dislikes to shape the relationship.
● Exercise sweetness of speech and never use harsh words.
● Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated.
● Leave little notes for him or her when you miss each other.
● Express appreciation by saying thank you even for everyday things.
● Practise forgiveness as sometimes mistakes are made unintentionally.